~HighNoteJunkie

So, i performed at our school's talent show recently and a friend of mine taped my act for me and i posted it on youtube. so if anyone wants to see it, it's not horribly awful! it is a little blurry to start with, but it gets better...


EDIT: the link didn't really work, but if you go to youtube and look up "hotemper21" "out of love" and it should come up!

ok, so i just got tired of looking at the shootings journal. but i do hate snow! especially when a ton drops overnight and yet there is no snow day, as far as i'm concerned, that is the only thing that snow is good for.

so, ok, update on my life i guess. in the past two months i have:

gotten in a car accident (don't worry, i didn't get hurt)

turned 18 (same day as the car accident)

smashed a marijuana pipe, belonging to my ex, with my best friend's dad's crowbar (and it felt good!!!)

kicked ass at our school's talent show

went on a cruise to the Bahamas

and various other things that will most likely be added in here when i have time.

wow. this still hardly seems real. did you know was virtually impossible to use your cell phone in Omaha today? so mny people were calling the people they knew to make sure they're ok. Isn't that great? yeah, the shootings are horrible. but at the same time, look at how people have reacted...my family recieved calls from relatives all over the country asking if we are ok. they didn't even call for Thanksgiving! it's pretty funny actually... it reminds me kind of how a lot of people see God. now i'm not a really religious person, but i was raised Roman Catholic for all of the almost 18 years of my life, so i have had time to observe some things. Like how the time when a "believer" is most likely to call on god is when something bad happens. People who haven't been to church in a year will drop to their knees and remember that God exists in a second if something horrible is happening to them. But when life is going well, who thinks to give thanks? not many. well, it's kind of hte same with people now. they are shocked by the fact that people have been killed by other people, but they're also excited and curious. so, whether they are genuinely concerned for your safety (because of course of the thousands of people in Omaha, their relative must be one of te eight who died), or they just want a firsthand account, people always come out of the woodwork when disaster strikes. i pose a question...did anyone call the house of hte person who did it? did anyone bother to check up on him/her, to see if they were all right? people do things like this for a reason. maybe if one person had bothered to say good morning once in a while the poor guy wouldn't have felt the need to kill others and himself in a public place. it's scary to think, i could have met this person. i could have been one more person that considered him/her invisible. kind of makes you notice things, doesn't it?

i just found out that not only was i accepted to Nebraska Wesleyan University, but i will recieve a Board of Governor's Scholarship upon attending! $42000!!! and thats just for my ACTs! i auditioned for music scholarships as well, but haven't heard back yet... still, very excited!!!

i did it. i broke free. i've been ever so slightly depressed since like, April, and this weekend i became happy again. it's so difficult to explain. it was like a part of me left when Adam decided he didn't love me and it just wasn't going to come back, but this weekend i didn't think about him longingly once, i didn't feel like crying, except in a good way, and i laughed more than i have in months. i feel uplifted. ecstatic. it's so difficult to describe. you know that nauseated feeling you get when someone you really love is with someone else and you hear about it? like you want to throw up all the food you were too nauseated to eat before? well, i just thought of my ex doing who knows what with that chick who slept over at his house two weeks ago and didn't feel it. it's like it wasn't attached to me at all!!! what happened this weekend that made me better so miraculously? well, i went to the Nebraska All-State Chorus and discovered that i have the ability to be attracted to someone else. it's been so long since i've liked anyone like that other than Adam. i mean, two years is a long time to be so attached to someone, it felt like it would be misery for me forever. well, i grinned all day today, and i'd like to thank whatever higher power there is for exposing me to this amazing person, because even if he isn't attracted to me at all, just knowing that i CAN move on is worth everything to me. now i only wish he didn't live so far away... and that i had the courage to say something. but that doesn't even matter to me right now. all that matters is that i'm back and i'm ready to believe in love again.